Episode blurb Edit
Tom and Tim discuss the college freshman year experience, how not to masturbate discreetly and more. Plus, Tim fails at sorcery.
Tom: "Wow, we both went to a school that is the name of the state and then the word University in it."
Tim: "I never realised that. Wow, we must be soulmates!"
Tom: "They had Girls Gone Wild at that bar once. Not that I was there. I was at home studying."
Tim: "Of course. Did you see breasts there when you didn't go?"
Tom: "In the past, I'd gone for a poop, come back, and [my roommate] had locked the door."
Tim: "Yeah, but your poops last 3 hours sometimes."
Tim: "It's not supportive. I bet his balls are hanging out of the neckhole."
Tim: "I feel like college kids are very entitled these days. The joke's on them, cause they're not gonna have jobs."
Tom: "Good luck breaking into professional podcasting - it's all about who you know and who you've fucked. We've fucked our way to the top."
"My roommate used to snore really loud, almost every night. So I'd throw a textbook on his bed, which would jostle him and wake him just enough to stop the snoring for like, 20 minutes. So one night I threw the book at him, and it hit him square in the face. So he got up screaming, his hands covered in blood. And I just pretended to be asleep."
"So I was invited down the hall for pizza, and I told my roommate this, and that I'd be right back, cause in the past, I'd gone for a poop, come back, and he'd locked the door. This time it was pretty late at night, and I knew he was going to do it so I made it explicit, everything short of 'Don't lock the door and don't start jerking off. "As soon as I left, I would hear his fly unzip ... and as soon as my key was in the door I'd hear him finish. I'm gone 10 mins. I come back and the fucking door's locked. I'd told him, and it was a weeknight, and it was like 2 in the morning. So I open the door, and the lights are off. And he's in between the beds on the floor, pulling up his pants.. and instead of underwear, he had a t-shirt down there."